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| You have trodden in: Home > News | October 11th |
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 DeadBrain Uncovers a Juicy New Scandal in IraqMay 12 2004 by Andy Grainger
DeadBrain has learned that senior members of the Bush Administration have secretly been visiting the notorious Abu Ghraib prison for months. Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld even spent Christmas there, while Paul Wolfowitz and Condi Rice have twice made weekend trips."Yup, Mr. Rumsfeld's bin here lotsa times," said Cpl. Wes Hitkicker, of the Army National Guard. "He has his own special room and we bring prisoners down to be interro, entero, er, questioned. He told me the young ones have the best info, and they help him forget the pain. Then he hugged me for a long time. Yup." The Corporal told us Mr. Wolfowitz is known amongst the guards and prisoners alike as a "goer," but Ms. Rice "just likes to watch, 'specially during shower time." Vice President Cheney reportedly suffered a near-fatal heart attack while climbing a "pile o' Ayrabs." Cpl. Hitkicker said that the President himself has not made an appearance, "'cause his Mom won't let him do that dirty stuff no more. He was a cheerleader, you know." We interviewed U.S. Army Psychologist Dr. Morgan Fanberg to shed some light on this behavior. He was standing in the lengthy queue by the visitor's gate, chatting with the Chaplain. The Doctor explained that it was "just normal red-blooded Americans blowing off steam. I mean, what do you expect when you have naked, sweaty bad men chained to every wall. All those swarthy buttocks that need to be chastised...I...oh." We decided to cut the interview short as the Doctor and the men in line around him began to breathe heavily and advance toward us. As we left the prison for the relative safety of the street, we stopped at the Halliburton gift shop and bought some souvenir photos and a Paul Bremer bobble-head. The "Bring It On" T-shirts were too expensive though, like twelve bucks. Related Articles Prices Rice Steeply in Mideast Bounties Market May 11 2004
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All Quiet on Mideastern Front, So Bush Extends Vacation
Apr 13 2004
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