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| You feel threatened by: Home > News | November 20th |
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 DeadBrain Source Claims Rumsfeld Being Brainwashed by UnderlingMay 17 2004 by Jim Bauman
"I'm worried about Defense Secretary Rumsfeld," said an anonymous DeadBrain eyewitness and flagrant White House toady. "He's been wandering the hallways of the White House, continuously muttering to himself that famous poem of his:As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know There are known unknowns. That is to say We know there are some things We do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, The ones we don't know We don't know.* "His strange behavior commenced after he appeared in front of Congress to answer questions about the Iraqi prison abuse photos. Since that appearance, he's been distant, preoccupied, and unresponsive. I think our man of steel ingested kryptonite at the hearings. "Yesterday, more gloom. The Defense Secretary seemed trapped in a never-ending loop of logic. He unceasingly recited: The following statement is false. The preceding statement is true. "Later that day, I was flabbergasted when I overheard Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz on the phone saying to some unknown person, 'Victory is almost mine. He's nearly mad.' On the Deputy Secretary's desk, I found a book entitled, 'Brainwash 'Em and Then Fire 'Em,' by Donald Trump. "Several times, I've asked the White House physician to examine Rumsfeld, but whenever the good doctor gets close to him, Wolfowitz pops up out of nowhere and says in an overly solicitous voice, 'Don't trouble yourself, I'll look after him.' Then, Wolfowitz coos a 'There, there now' and walks Rumsfeld into his office. The Deputy Secretary has never before appeared so tender, gentle, caring, and attentive as he does now to the lost and confused Rumsfeld. That Wolfowitz...what a weasel! "Just today, I witnessed Wolfowitz rescuing Rumsfeld for the umpteenth time. Wolfowitz had a videocassette under his arm that slipped out and clattered to the floor as he was assisting Rumsfeld. I picked it up. When I read the video title, 'Seven Days in May,' I became lightheaded and nauseated. The movie is about a military plot to overthrow the U.S. government!!!" *With thanks to Hart Seely and Slate for discovering Rummy's poetic side. Related Articles Exposed: 'Area 52' and Ancient Grecian Influence on US War Planning - Part 2 May 16 2004
Exposed: 'Area 52' and Ancient Grecian Influence on US War Planning - Part 1
May 15 2004
DeadBrain Uncovers a Juicy New Scandal in Iraq
May 12 2004
Prices Rice Steeply in Mideast Bounties Market
May 11 2004
Bush and Cheney Pose as Chico and Harpo Marx for 9/11 Commission Testimony
May 4 2004
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