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| You have fallen over: Home > News | November 20th |
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 Terminator IV: SkyNet Targets Wedding PartiesMay 24 2004 by NM Puff
The United States military has issued field orders regarding Iraqi women who are planning to get married: "If the name sounds in any way like 'Sarah Connor' they are to be targeted for elimination."Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, in an effort to prevent a future "John Connor," has authorized the elimination of wedding parties where the union between participants could lead to someone who might drive out coalition forces by 2031. "We don't know which of these unions will be the one but since this administration disavows any form of family planning our only option is to kill them all," said Wolfowitz. "I know it seems indiscriminate, but we have no choice." With the recent examples of the wedding wipe-out in Iraq and the July 2002 elimination of 50 attendees at an Afghan wedding, the program has been successful, according to Wolfowitz. "You won't see any John Connor if I have anything to say about it," he hissed. In addition, with Defense Department approval, Lieutenant General William "My God Is Better Than Yours" Boykin, Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence, is concurrently developing a program code-named 'SkyNet' to, among other things, detect names similar to the feared heroine. Boykin claimed that government programs based on movies are necessary, citing Star Wars as a case in point. "The Afghan and Iraqi weddings were a test of SkyNet's capabilities," Boykin confirmed. To further insure its policies are inviolate, any military personnel named Kyle and/or Reese have been rotated out of the Middle East. Wolfowitz confirmed that the transformation of the military into a techno-force will be integrated in the future with SkyNet to provide an automated seamless strike force. Arnold Schwarzenegger, when told of this report said, "These here people, they are nut cases." Related Articles Grim Reaper Honors Bush with Golden Scythe May 23 2004
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