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Local Man Thinks He Has What Ann Coulter Needs
"I got what Ann Coulter needs right here," boasted local man Aaron "The Champ" McCallister. "I can cure what ails her."
McCallister thinks that what conservative author and political pundit Ann Coulter needs is a "Heapin' helpin' of this big ole love muscle," according to a statement released at Gerossie's Pub. He continued, "Gimme fifteen minutes with her! Just fifteen minutes! She'd go in like Barry Goldwater, and come out like Ralph Nader!"
He then did a sexually suggestive dance, to the delight of onlookers at the local bar. His friend Bradford Clarey said that Ann Coulter is not the only woman whom McCallister claims to be able to cure. "He's offered his services to Gloria Allred, Hillary Clinton and, for some reason, Deborah Norville," said Clarey. "At least he's bi-partisan."
Social psychologist Lisa Kellogg said that McCallister's objectification of women is indicative of a greater problem. "Men think that by reducing women to sex objects, they are somehow empowered. Even if I do think that Ann Coulter is a wacko, I can't sit idly by and let her be vilified due to her gender," said Kellogg. "Besides, that guy McCallister is a jerk. I heard he refers to himself in the third person as, 'The Champ.' I mean, who does that?"
Reached for comment, Coulter said, "This goes to show you that Liberals like this McCallister fellow are obsessed with sex. Just like Clinton, and JFK, going all the way back to the original Democrat, Jefferson. They have no moral center. They forget that ideally, sex is a cold, efficient act meant for procreating. I bet he thinks that we should withdraw the troops and take back the tax cut, too."
McCallister, reached later at his home, said, "Yeah, Coulter's hot, but, you know, she could stand to put on a few. I had been drinking, and I said a few things. I dunno. I still think a few rounds with The Champ would do her some good."
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