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Dietary Advice from Chain-Smoking Vegan Not Taken
Jun 14 2004 by Martin Kerrigan
Despite citing numerous reasons to stop eating animal products, Luke Nechas, a long-time vegan and smoker, could not convince his roommate Ryan Prall to put down his Whopper at a local Burger King yesterday.
"I was trying to relax and enjoy my value meal and he's blowing all this smoke in my face, telling me that people who eat meat die early," said Prall about the encounter.
It started when Nechas, who is six feet tall and weighs 147 pounds, was waiting in line alongside Prall and was asked for his order by the cashier, to whom he tersely replied "I don't need your friggin' death meal deals, man. Try to kill the next guy in line!"
"He was way out of line shooting his mouth off like that, so I made the mistake of telling him to shut the hell up," said Prall. "He just gleamed at me with those dark bags under his eyes and told me to not to 'support industries that harm their customers'."
When the pair arrived in their booth, Nechas's raspy-voiced ranting continued. "No wonder you're a fat-ass, man! Look at this deep-fried, fatty, salted sh**. It chokes your arteries and it makes you look like Chris Farley!" Nechas said between puffs of Marlboro Menthol Light 100s as he poked nicotine-stained fingers around in Prall's tray.
Nechas, who subsists on tides of curried refried beans, Vitasoy soy milk, and Yuengling Lager, then argued a different angle. "Dude, if you stop eating meat, you'll get so much more head from Becky 'cause your semen will taste better! Girls are always trying to get on my sh** cause they know I got the sweet stuff, man," he said through fetid, yellow teeth.
The pack-and-a-half-a-day smoker then informed Prall of the plethora of harmful chemicals found in beef, including antibiotics and growth hormones. "I just blocked him out and concentrated on putting ketchup on my fries," Prall said.
The meal was then cut short, as Nechas demanded that they "go to CVS quick for a pack of smokes and get my asthma inhaler refilled."
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