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Rev. Sun Myung Moon Named Bush Cabinet Messiah
The Rev. Sun Myung Moon, fresh from his coronation in the U.S. Senate office building, today was named to the new "Messiah" cabinet position in the Bush Administration.
"I figure if I saved Hitler and Stalin and turned them around, I can do anything," Moon said in an interview shortly after President Bush swore him into office.
"I am confident that President Bush will give me the latitude to do my job properly," Moon said. "I'm going to report directly to him, meaning Bush and not God or anyone else. After all, I am the Messiah. Better yet, he should report to me."
Moon's appointment came shortly after reports surfaced that his coronation as the king of world peace, or something delusional like that, took place in the Dirksen Senate Office Building in Washington, D.C.
A smorgasbord of congressmen attended the ceremony, although many claimed afterward they were duped and didn't know for what reason they were there - besides free food and drink.
"Yeah, right," Moon said. "I was a tax cheat, I married thousands in a mass ceremony, George Bush the Elder once praised my Washington Times newspaper, they knew what they were getting into. In fact, Congress now reports to me.
"To heck with separation of powers and all that nonsense, I'm the one with all the power," Moon said, cackling loudly.
President Bush, asked about Moon's appointment, said, "Heck, yeah, it's legal. Mr. Moonie is a great addition to the Bush team. This sure takes away the oomph from that stupid 9/11 movie that's out now, doesn't it?"
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