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| You have fallen into: Home > News | November 20th |
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 FBI Adds Marlon Brando, Britney Spears, Fruity Pebbles to Watch ListJul 3 2004 by Greg Kuhl
"We want Americans to enjoy their summer, but federal law now requires us to scare the bejabbers out of the public an average of 4.5 times a month," said FBI spokesman Fred J. Muggs, who insisted it's only a coincidence that his name is similar to the name of a chimpanzee from the early days of television. "We had such an overwhelming response with our latest warnings - flotation devices in harbors and marinas, promotional soda cans with giant buttons and GPS devices - that we wanted more," Muggs said. Under intense press questioning, a rarity in the war on terrorism, Muggs admitted that the FBI got little credible evidence with its warning about sweaty homeless people with olive skin who might be faking pregnancies and working as street sweepers while smelling like chemicals. "We took one woman into custody outside Chicago," Muggs said. "But it turned out she was just homeless." However, Muggs said he thinks the latest additions will help the Bush Administration's war on terrorism and make America safer. Here's a closer look at the additions: Marlon Brando: "We know Brando just passed away, or at least we think he did. Our agents are still checking," Muggs said. "We want to warn the public that if a terrorist packed either his body or casket with explosives, it could be enough for, BOOM!, there goes LA." Britney Spears' CDs: Muggs said intelligence sources told the FBI that terrorists may have already implanted tiny explosives into Spears' entire CD catalog, which could put trailer parks and discount stores across America in danger. "If it's true, it could be a calamity," Muggs said. "We're still checking. We don't have a time or date when it may have happened." Fruity Pebbles: "There's absolutely nothing at all wrong with the cereal," Muggs said with a laugh. "I just happen to like it. It's way better than Cocoa Puffs." Related Articles FBI Adds Marlon Brando, Britney Spears, Fruity Pebbles to Watch List Jul 3 2004
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