Dennis Miller Jailed as Saddam Hussein Double

Dennis Miller was unceremoniously frog-marched out of the CNBC studios today and led into a waiting FBI marked van. Previously sealed grand jury charges against Miller were simultaneously released to the press.

The principal charge against Miller was that he acted as a Saddam double after his stint on NBC's Saturday Night Live, but before his work on ABC's Monday Night Football. A then-embittered Miller had agreed to emulate Hussein in a gray bearded, bushy-eyebrowed version that Hussein used before the US invaded Iraq.

"I was young. I needed the money," mumbled Miller.

Miller denied the charge, as well as other charges - among them, dressing up as Al Jolson to sing 'Mammy' at a White House party for black legislators.

"That wasn't me." said Miller of his alleged act. "That was something Sammy Davis Jr. did with Richard Nixon."

The FBI, however, cited Miller's ability to morph into various characters when bouncing from one gig to another as evidence that Miller was the performer in question.

Ironically, the USA PATRIOT Act signed by President Bush, under which Miller has been detained, had been extolled by Miller on many occasions.

"A clever ruse," said FBI Agent Toni Franconi. "The fact is that, while posing as just another motor-mouthing bobble head on TV, we believe he was hiding a sordid past. I mean, look at the recent pictures of Saddam and Miller. You tell me!"

When asked what Miller would do while awaiting trial, Franconi said that since Miller was one of those "intellectual types," the FBI would require him to write "Eschatological premillennial dispensationalism" a thousand times each day on a blackboard.

Franconi also revealed that Miller wanted to have copies of the works of Lord Balfour and some guy named Lloyd George available to him in his cell. "Go figure with these intellectual types," he said.

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