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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Bill Clinton |
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| You have been disturbed by: Home > News | September 3rd |
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 Bush Retracts Bin Laden Steel Cage Match OfferAug 19 2004 by D. T. Kelly
In a not-so-surprising move on Wednesday, President Bush withdrew his two-year-old challenge to Osama bin Laden for a steel cage match to resolve the War on Terror.White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan made the announcement shortly after lunch, stating that the President did not think he could adequately prepare if bin Laden accepted now, citing a rigorous campaign schedule. "The President knows what a disappointment this is to the American public," McClellan said, "but it's in the best interest of his presidency to retract the offer at this time. The President felt it would be better to cancel now and avoid the potential embarrassment of having to do so if bin Laden decided to accept the offer before the election." Although bin Laden could not be reached for comment, sources close to him said that he has been pondering the match for several months now. A source speaking on terms of anonymity reported that he has been training in the hills of Afghanistan with the Iron Sheik, former WWF Champion. "He was this close to perfecting the Camel Clutch," the anonymous source said, pinching his fingers together. "One more week and I believe bin Laden would've been ready to take down Bush." McClellan rejected the notion that the President's decision was based on bin Laden's rigid training regimen, witnessed in weekly tapes released by al-Jazeera. "The President has put countless hours into his own training; he even came up with his own signature move, the Cattle Rustler. He is disappointed that he has to delay showing America this devastating maneuver." After hearing the news, Senator John Kerry said, "And [Bush] has the nerve to call me a flip-flopper? Let me tell you, America - with John Edwards and myself, not only will we challenge bin Laden and his group of masked marauders to a steel cage match, we promise that it will be a no-holds-barred grudge match. We will fight this War on Terror and show you, the American people, that we mean business." Related Articles America's Unemployed Linked to Al-Qaeda Aug 16 2004
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Aug 8 2004
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American Defense Translates to Ratings Magic for Saddam Trial
Jul 5 2004
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