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Crumbs on Old Jew Offer Clues About Ancestors, Matzo
Aug 22 2004 by Michael Gantman
The Institute for Hebrew Things (IHT) has launched a study into the origins of, among other things, matzo.
Leum Nussbaum, founding member of the ultra-conservative movement known as The Sons of Passover, discovered the jawbone of what he calls his "Old Jew" last night on his back porch. "What makes this find so unusual is that we have a nice skeleton to examine, complete with skin and even clothing."
Within hours of the report, the news crowds gathered to watch Nussbaum collect samples from the eerily warm body. "Its pockets were filled with crumbs that I swear looked like matzo, and he had chunks in his beard that looked like cabbage," Nussbaum said.
Authorities from the IHT have taken the samples somewhere for DNA testing.
"What's particularly fascinating is that it really looks like I might've bumped into [the Old Jew] earlier today and picked his pocket," said a youth who refused to identify the nine Supreme Court justices. "It's that convincing, yo."
While specialists from the Department of Motor Vehicles refused to comment on the story, a student from the local Culinary Institute of Lansing said that discoveries of this kind are not that rare. "People have been eating food for centuries. It is not uncommon to find crumbs like this."
"Although," one teacher went on to scream, "the technology to package them in plastic is a relatively new process which might help date the specimen to this or the last century." When asked if he meant the twenty-first & twentieth centuries or the twentieth & nineteenth centuries he agreed.
If science is able to resolve the mystery of the Old Jew, it could put the IHT back on the map. Their earlier discovery that the world was large left many doubting their credibility.
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