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| You are lounging next to: Home > News | November 20th |
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 DeadBrain Time Machine: Martha Stewart Standoff Enters Second WeekAug 24 2004 by Elliott McMillan
November 28, 2004 - The standoff between Martha Stewart and Federal Marshals continues into its second week. A small community of media, law enforcement officials and onlookers has sprung up around the house in Upstate New York where Stewart is hiding.Local lunch truck owner Emily Watson is enjoying the benefits of the long standoff. "Business has been great, thanks to Martha Stewart," said the smiling Watson, holding aloft a handful of cash. "I think I'll use some of the money to buy stock in her company!" Among the throng are representatives from Caesar's Palace in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The book makers are there placing odds on Stewart's capture. The US Marshals are 2-1 underdogs. "You got 1,000 well trained, heavily armed US Marshals, with support from helicopters and attack dogs, versus Martha Stewart. God help those Marshals," said book maker "Smooth" Vinny Delgado. "Hell, if this thing goes on any longer, the odds may go as high as 10-1." Angus McGann, the Marshal in charge of Stewart's recovery, is more confident. "We've been here for nearly two weeks. We'll wait two more if we need to. We're gonna starve her out. She's bound to run out of foie gras and baby radishes. We're pretty sure she's out of puttanesca ingredients. She'll be out soon." It has been suggested by some that Stewart is no longer in the house. "We are sure she's still inside," said McGann, though an infrared scan of the home turned up nothing inside. "To be perfectly honest, we won't get a reading from infrared. It only works on warm blooded creatures." Questions over whether Stewart is in the house were answered today when a sniper took a shot at her through a window. "Apparently, she was trying to hang some new curtains in the living room," said McGann. "It's about time, too. Those yellow ducks were positively dreadful." The Marshals gathered around McGann all nodded and grumbled in agreement. Related Articles DeadBrain Time Machine: Martha Stewart Escapes; Standoff Begins Jul 17 2004
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