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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · George W Bush |
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| You are standing next to: Home > News | September 3rd |
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 Planet of the Apes Star Reveals Secret Past with BushSep 13 2004 by John Hetherington
In Monkey Love: Sex, Drugs, and Dubya, the actress who rose to fame in a series of films in which apes ruled a cruel and bizarre planet Earth, Zera explained that she met Bush while both were at their lowest. "The Apes franchise had dried up and I was desperate for work." So desperate that Zera started doing soft-core porn. "I'd hit bottom." It was then that she met a George W. Bush who had not yet been encumbered by "adult" responsibilities. "He was in a bad way too," Zera explained. "He and Laura had separated because she was spending too much time with a young, developmentally challenged man named Ricky who she said was more intellectually curious than George. It hurt him." The two losers quickly descended into a haze of cocaine-induced sex - sex that was not only extra-marital, but unsafe as well. "I'll never forget the day I told George I was pregnant," Zera remembered, holding her head in her paws. "He left the room for a moment and came back with a coat hanger and instructions for an at-home abortion," materials Bush apparently kept in his car for just such an occasion. Yet Zera resisted pleas - and threats - from the Bush family, ultimately giving birth to twins. In what may be the most moving point of her memoir, the fallen ape recounts her painful decision to sell her daughters to George and Laura Bush, who had reunited following the unexpected death of Ricky. "It was either sell the girls or do more low-budget sex parodies," she said, and even those were hard to come by for an ape who just given birth to twins. Yet despite these hardships, she has overcome adversity and will be hosting a new daytime talk show called Zera!, slated to replace The Jane Pauley Show following its cancellation. Related Articles Questions Raised About Authenticity of Bush Diplomas, Birth Certificate Sep 11 2004
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Bush on Bush
Sep 5 2004
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