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Florida's Message To Jeanne: We Give Up!
Florida Governor Jeb Bush, in a move echoing the famous Leonard-Duran "No Mas" boxing match of 1980, held a press conference yesterday at the state capitol building to announce that Florida was throwing in the towel against the hurricanes this year.
This action was based heavily on recent developments with Hurricane Jeanne.
"It is obvious that the hurricanes came prepared to fight this year. We may have taken for granted the fact that they have been pretty weak in previous years. Therefore, I call out to hurricanes: You win. We give up!"
The state flag flying high over the capitol was lowered and a white flag of surrender raised. "We're throwing in the towel this year," Bush said as he tossed a blood-stained towel over the podium.
The move received approval from some of the thousands cleaning up from the previous hurricanes. But not everyone is happy over the move. The leader of the newly formed CISSIE (CItizens Still Swinging In Earnest), Jestor Moriorlessi [Ed. Note: No relation to the popular survey company] had this to say: "We've come so far this year, we can't just give it up and let the hurricanes win. What message are we sending to our children? To the rest of the nation? That our state is full of quitters? No siree! We need to fight this battle 'til the end!"
Jestor then went on picking splinters of plywood out of his toilet seat, which now resides on the hood of his pickup truck thanks to Hurricane Ivan.
CISSIE isn't the only one questioning the move. Political conspiracy theorist Herbert Colon spoke out shortly after the announcement. "This is obviously a political move by Governor Bush to quell the conspiracy that his brother is controlling the weather. By slamming Florida continuously with hurricanes and tropical storms, the Bush Administration plans to then send massive amounts of federal money in order to buy the state come November second. Nice try Jeb, we're on to you and your brother's little game!"
Hurricanes Jeanne and Karl and Tropical Storm Lisa had no comment on Florida's surrender.
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