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| You are drifting somewhere near: Home > News | November 20th |
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 NASCAR Proposes Baghdad 500Sep 27 2004 by NM Puff
Said race coordinator Verble Johnson, "Instead of the old Winston Cup, we're proposing the Camel Cup. It's a natural. They get free packs of cigarettes with a camel on the front." NASCAR has been trying to expand its presence in foreign markets from its southern roots, starting in Daytona. "We think the best way for them Iraqis to get democracy is a good look at a NASCAR race," said Elmo 'Slim' Johnson (no relation). "Once they see how fast we can get one of these puppies in and out of the pit and back on the track, they'll be impressed." Pit chief for the Elmo 'Slim' racing team, Hugh 'Chubby' Johnson (no relation) went into great detail about the need for special air filters, given the desert setting for the race. "It's gonna be hotter 'n blazes. We'll definitely need them micron filters. I'm workin' on it now." Chief mechanic Spinner Johnson (also no relation) went into detail regarding engine setup. "The restrictor plates are gonna have to change to git more power. You know, given the heat and all." Meanwhile, tire representative Daisey May Johnson, who says she's related to "everybody," discussed particular tire compounds needed to race in the sandy conditions. "We're lookin' at a tire compound that won't fall apart, especially with all that sand. It's gonna be tough you know give the heat an' all." Scooter, no last name, chimed in that the wheel lug nuts would require special attention. "I been workin' this here air gun for years. This is gonna take all the skill I gots." When asked about the heat said Scooter, "Shoot, no problem, I'm ready. I got my trusty gun." Verble Johnson expressed confidence in the race. "We got Joe Camel as the official mascot. Once we know more what them Iraqis want we'll be OK. We don't want no failure to communicate with these here folk," chuckled Verble. Related Articles CBS Retracts Abu Ghraib Torture Story, Apologizes to Bush Sep 21 2004
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Sep 15 2004
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Sep 11 2004
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Aug 19 2004
America's Unemployed Linked to Al-Qaeda
Aug 16 2004
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