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| You have fallen over: Home > News | February 4th |
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 First Cat Stevens, Now Gordon Lightfoot Denied Entry to USSep 29 2004 by Elliott McMillan
Lightfoot's name is apparently on a list of singers who have alleged terrorist ties, along with the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens. Despite believing it was a product of a heroin-induced catatonic hallucination, Stevens was in fact denied entry into the US for the same reason last week. As for Lightfoot, Homeland Security official Rickey Smith said, "We think that the song The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is a call to al-Qaeda or other terror groups to cause mayhem in American harbors and ports." "These claims are ludicrous," said Lightfoot, from a detention cell. "I'm no terrorist!" Homeland Security said it doesn't think Lightfoot is a terrorist, but that he is a person of interest due to his lyrics. "He's not much of a terrorist, but he's not much of a singer, either," said Smith. Smith provided DeadBrain with a copy of the list of the other singers currently on the Homeland Security watch list. The document was a copy of Clear Channel Communications' allegedly fake "9/11 Banned Playlist" of songs, printed on the radio conglomerate's own stationery. "Don't try to go public with that," Smith cautioned. "You saw what happened to Dan Rather." But considering that DeadBrain never aspired to the reputation Rather once had, we decided to report on the list and violate our confidentiality agreement with Smith. Meanwhile, Transportation Security Agency Officials are keeping their eyes out for other troubadour terrorists. Brooks Dunnworth, a shoe screener at Chicago's O'Hare Airport, summed up the difficulties nicely. "It's creepy, man, you take the glasses off this John Lennon dude, he looks just like that bin Laden guy we were supposed to - aw, man, I forgot what we're supposed to do with that dude anymore. But imagine if they were one in the same person, you know? Just imagine." Related Articles Bush: I'll Adopt Kerry's Iraq Plan, No Need to Vote for Him Now Sep 30 2004
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