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French Hospital: "Bush Deliberately Withheld Flu Vaccine from Ailing Yasser Arafat"
With Yasser Arafat lying in a Paris hospital, and questions of succession resolved, Palestinians are turning their attention to a more pressing matter: Who is responsible for Mr. Arafat's illness?
French hospital officials blame President George W. Bush. The allegation threatens to strain the strong bond of trust between the two friendly nations.
"Monsieur le President refuse to give him le vaccine!!" said hospital spokesman Gérard Depardieu. He would not elaborate further, but sources claimed that earlier this fall, Mr. Arafat stood in line for hours at a flu clinic in Waupaca, Wisconsin, only to be turned away when he failed to produce a picture ID and proof of residence.
One Palestinian official spoke on the condition that we use only three of his names. "I can only say that the President has, allegedly, been hoarding the vaccine in the extra White House freezer, and has promised to deliver it to Ohio and Florida upon re-election," said Ahmed Qurei, otherwise known as Abu Ala, or Ahmed Ibn Abu.
Though President Bush did not respond to the accusations, he has previously stated, "I haven't gotten a flu shot, and I don't intend to. If that Arab pussy needs a flu shot he can go to Canada like the rest of America."
French hospital spokesmen are updating the public with frequent informative statements. Said Depardieu, "Mr. Arafat is not dead."
In a special extension of the olive branch, Israeli officials told Arafat's family that, should he die, they could bury the Palestinian leader in his hometown of Cairo. According to Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz, Israel hoped to "spare the Arafat family the stress and grief of making the schlep all the way to Jerusalem for the burial."
PM Ariel Sharon offered the family an ocean-view burial plot in Gaza as an alternative. As for the family currently living on the plot, Sharon said he is sure "they will not be a problem to relocate."
In related news, a man claiming to be Osama bin Laden was turned away from a flu clinic in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, also for lack of picture ID.
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