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Say Cheese: Virgin Mary Wants Some Respect
The Virgin Mary says she's outraged that her image in a grilled cheese sandwich had only attracted bids of $16,000 to $22,000 on eBay.
"Don't people realize how difficult it is to live inside a plastic bag for 10 years, with no chance to work on your hair or makeup and your face frozen in this silly beatific smile?" Mary said.
"Or how there were millions of other things, okay, at least a few other things, I could have been doing - the laundry, washing dishes, walking the dog, shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch? It's inconceivable that 10 years of my time isn't worth more than that. And I had to stay in hot, sweaty, hurricane-prone Miami. Surviving all that is no small task. Even at minimum wage, it's worth six figures."
Mary's comments came after a Florida woman noticed that part of her grilled cheese sandwich she was eating in 1994 resembled the Virgin Mary. The woman placed the sandwich in a sealed plastic bag and kept it for a decade, before deciding to auction it off.
Mary said she had renewed hope that her image would bring higher bids after a British newspaper, referring to President George W. Bush's re-election, asked how could more than 59 million people be so dumb.
"Americans do some really stupid things sometimes. How else do you explain Bush's re-election, Fear Factor, or the continued popularity of Britney Spears?" Mary said.
"I figured that someone somewhere - maybe a devout red stater - could come up with more cash for the sandwich. It is pretty dumb, but it's not as though I'm asking for the world.
"They're not being asked to bid $50,000 for, say, a package of beef jerky that looks like George Clooney, or a dozen eggs that somehow resemble Derek Jeter," added Mary, who's considering a Jerry Lewis-like telethon if her efforts to raise more money are unsuccessful.
"With all the talk sweeping America about Christians and evangelicals and the role of religion in everyday life and politics, nobody remembers me," Mary said with a sigh. "It's just not right."
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