 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Donald Rumsfeld |
|
 |
|
| You are disappointed to see: Home > News | November 20th |
| |
|
 From Condi with Love: A Swarm of Locusts Attacks IsraelNov 22 2004 by Greg Kuhl
"We just wanted to send a message, as well as test our locust-delivering capabilities," said Secretary of State-designate Condoleezza Rice, the mastermind behind the locust plot. "We figured it was best to start our somewhere small like Israel, then move to countries such as England and Australia." Beyond those places, Rice said, the United States doesn't have many friends - besides North American neighbors Canada and Mexico, of course. "We would never think of sending locusts to Canada - they might freeze, or Canadians might be too pre-occupied with the National Hockey League lockout to notice," Rice said. "And in Mexico, they might come back across the border, either legally or illegally. As a nation of mostly God-fearing red staters, we can't have that." Rice, an Alabama native, used her home-state connections with the Auburn University Agricultural Extension Service for the ten million locusts that were set loose in Israel. "Locusts are pretty irritating, but it's not as though they kill people or anything," Rice said. "And it was pretty cheap. I just called in a few favors at Auburn, and voila, the locusts were on their way to the Middle East." Rumors had spread throughout Israel that the locusts were part of a beyond-the-grave payback to Israel from Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, who died recently. Israeli television reported that Arafat's widow, who is in line for millions of dollars after Arafat's death, may have financed the locust attack on Israel. Not true, said Rice. "The United States had been such a failure in getting and keeping allies after the Iraq War fiasco, we just figured we had to do something,'' Rice said. "We really wanted that candy and flowers pipedream to come true. We didn't get it in Iraq. Maybe it'll happen in Israel." Related Articles Ridge Announces "Code Green" Status for Smallest Nebraska Town Nov 9 2004
Jet Strafes School to Thwart Terrorists; "Definitely Not" George Bush on a Victory Joyride
Nov 5 2004
After High Explosives HMX and RDX Go Missing In Iraq, Bush Targets BMX Bikers
Nov 2 2004
An Al-Qaeda Holiday May Soon Be Available at a Cave Near You
Oct 16 2004
Local Donkey Wounded During US Marine Raid of Iraqi School
Oct 9 2004
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |