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One in Four Americans Consider Homicide
One fourth of all Americans now consider killing someone – either someone they know, or a complete stranger – just for the hell of it, or for another reason.
Interest rates, SUVs, and general confusion were among the most popular responses to the survey recently conducted by the American Family Circus.
The study released Tuesday highlights a growing trend towards violence in older Americans. "This is not something we generally see in the 45-55 group, particularly among white females," said Rebecca Leigh-Holt of the AFC. "For the first time in history, white women are now a greater threat to social order then young democrats or Chinese dentists."
Of the respondents under 35, two-thirds cited a sudden urge to strangle "the person or persons who just interviewed them for a job." When probed further, that same group warned Betty from Volt Placement Services, "that if she didn't stop asking such stupid questions they would beat her about the arms and legs with her titanium desk lamp."
While age has never slowed the urge to kill one's neighbor, education is no longer the soothing panacea to quell the thirst for human blood it once was. Nearly half of all respondents with a college degree felt warranted in killing at least one former professor, and an astonishing 90% would feel entirely justified in "thumping until expressionless" a career counselor or student loan representative.
"This is better than we hoped for," said Mrs. Leigh–Holt. "At a time when most Americans complain that our republic is in trouble, this proves freedom of choice is alive and well. When we put our minds to it, we can all agree on what makes America great."
Indeed, of the 1500 Americans surveyed at the Topeka, Kansas Galleria, every citizen noted at least one celebrity or politician that they would like to see swinging from a meat hook.
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