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Behind the News: Hot Tub Flooding Inspired Tom DeLay's Conversion to Christianity
Contrary to Democratic blogorrhea on the subject, House Majority Leader Tom "The Hammer" DeLay was not referring to the recent tsunami disaster, sources confirmed, with his reading at the 109th Congressional Prayer Service on Tuesday.
Instead DeLay, who sported the pre-Christianity nickname "Hot Tub Tommy," was referring to an incident which presaged his born-again conversion. An unfortunate malfunction caused his Jacuzzi to overflow for forty days during a session of Congress in 1985, resulting in the washing of his home into a fiery ravine that mysteriously opened below it.
Matthew 7:21-27, the passage read by DeLay, tells of the man who listens to Christ's words but does not put them into action, and compares that man to a man who builds his house on sand, and the house is destroyed when the floods come. Which may be why Exxon Mobil just announced that its Board of Directors and C-level officers are destined for a heavenly reward, since their oil facilities in Indonesia went undamaged by the tsunami.
But did the Asian disaster put DeLay in mind of his own personal tragedy? No one can say for sure, but by bribing an altar boy with twenty bucks and a full access password to MrSkin.com, DeadBrain got a glance at DeLay's Bible after the prayer service. It was dated 6/6/85, just days after the hot tub incident.
Matthew 7:21-27 was highlighted, starred, and annotated with the phrase "Omigod, how true is this?" And though only nine verses before the controversial passage, the "Golden Rule" (Matthew 7:12) did not appear in DeLay's Bible, due to unusual cutouts throughout the Good Book, seemingly in the shape of airline-sized alcohol bottles.
In other news, a large pile of sandbags appeared in front of Mr. DeLay's office yesterday morning, blocking entry and exit to the .The note taped to the sandbags read, "Hey Tom: Start looking for some higher ground! Love, Jesus." DeLay has asked the Food and Drug Administration to investigate Michael Moore's whereabouts for the last ten days.
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