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Channeling Nixon, Bush Says "I Am Not a Cheapskate"
President George W. Bush said today that even though his $10,000 donation to the earthquake-tsunami relief efforts is only one percent of what actress Sandra Bullock gave, it shows that "I am not a cheapskate.
"I'm sick and tired of hearing how she gave $1 million and some two-bit music group donated $100,000 and how Americans reached deeply into their pockets," Bush said, his anger clearly rising. "I have a heart too. No, stop laughing, I really do."
Bush - who makes $400,000 a year and gets free housing, food, transportation and other perks - bristled when reporters asked why he'd originally contributed nothing.
"How much money did you [expletive deleted] kick in?" Bush asked, before regaining his composure. "Once I learned where the earthquake took place and how to spell 'tsunami,' I got right on it.
"Well, sort of. I spent a couple days at my ranch, clearing brush and riding my bicycle on vacation. But a man, even a president, has got to clear his head before making the tough decisions. And my head was pretty empty, er, clear on this one."
Bush said the initial U.S. pledge of $15 million, or less than half the cost of his inauguration, was "a little skimpy."
"But then we jacked it up to $35 million and then $350 million. And yes, I know the media says America spends $4 billion a year on potato chips and billion on cosmetics and $11 billion on dog and cat food. And sure, Australia, a much smaller country, pledged $764 million."
Bush said with him giving 2.5 percent of his salary and America committing $1.19 for every citizen, "That ought to be enough."
"What more do they want? And I even sent Colin Powell, the outcast and short-timer in this administration, and my brother Jeb, who, by the way, is not using this trip as a springboard to the 2008 Republican presidential nomination, to see what they could do to help.
"Let's see Sandra Bullock and Leondario DiCapritis, or whatever his name is, and the rest of the Hollywood snobs top that."
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