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| You have landed on top of: Home > News | November 20th |
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 Sex Bomb's a Dud, but Others in PipelineJan 21 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"We encourage spending taxpayer dollars on this stuff, especially if it'll help us win the War on Terror," said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, as a roomful of reporters snickered. The "sex bomb," reported on the New Scientist website, was part of a six-year, $7.5 million project that also included proposals for bombs that would unleash rats on enemy troops and give terrorists bad breath so they'd stand out in a crowd. "The idea was for a non-lethal weapon that would destroy enemy morale," Rumsfeld said, as reporters wiped tears of laughter from their eyes. "What could be better than enemy troops coming onto each other? If it encouraged gay encounters, all the better. "We tried to keep it under wraps. We knew the public would laugh. Unfortunately, it became public. So laugh. Just because it didn't get off the drawing board, doesn't mean we won't keep working." Rumsfeld said military planners are working on other non-lethal bomb projects. Among them in the pipeline: A bomb that would turn blue states into red states. "You can't have too many Republican states, no such thing," Rumsfeld said. A heat-seeking bomb that would search out and destroy malpractice lawyers' careers. "As President Bush says, we need to put a cap on things like malpractice claims and punitive damages," Rumsfeld said. Bombs that would target outspoken women and minorities, which Rumsfeld said were needed "to put those people in their place. It would seek out any woman to the left of Ann Coulter." A so-called "Jesus Bomb" that would turn Muslims and any insurgents into God-fearing Christians. As an added benefit, Rumsfeld said, it would also turn any non-white people into WASP Republicans. "If we can spend just a tiny bit of money on these projects," Rumsfeld said, "then America, and the world, would be a much better place to live. There's no doubt about it." Related Articles US Military Creating Its Own Car Bombs to Steal Iraqi Insurents' Thunder Jan 5 2005
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Dec 11 2004
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