Captured Cody Doll Solves Bush's Troop Rotation Problem, Opens Door to Iran Invasion

At a press conference today, President Bush announced that the elite G.I. Joe squad would be sent to replace US troops on duty in Iraq. The Joes will give a well-deserved rest to the dedicated men and women before their highly anticipated 2006 attack on Iran, about which President Bush and God have been speaking recently.

DeadBrain recorded the press conference using a parabolic microphone from 350 yards away. Our reporter elected not to directly attend the event, access to which required the consumption of an unusual fruit-colored drink which smelled faintly of almonds.

Special Ops Cody, a limited edition doll which was recently used to create a hostage hoax, gave the president the idea. "People believe what they see on TV, right? And the Iraqi people never saw a TV before until we liberated them to watch such quality programming as Fear Factor and Medical Investigation - keeps 'em nice and frightened," said Bush, who spoke with his head cocked slightly to the right, as though hearing a dog whistle.

"Well, I saw that G.I. Joe Valor Vs. Venom movie the other day on Air Force One, and got to thinking. I was -- ARRRGGRH!"

Bush suddenly gripped his left ear and collapsed onstage. Secret Service agents rushed him from the scene, and later reported the President had suffered a wasp sting. In unrelated news, a local ham radio enthusiast was arrested for blasting some Deep Purple on a restricted frequency.

Political observers say that, if nothing else, the G.I. Joe plan is consistent with other inexplicable actions by the Bush Administration. "Hell, they think Postcards From Buster will create a new generation of lesbian activists," sighed Morgan Fanberg, an analyst with a think tank DeadBrain selected at random from a stack of Rolodex cards.

"Lesbians on the march!" Fanberg continued. "Exchanging their tomahawk symbols with rabbit figurines, chanting in the streets, 'Buster, BUSTER!!!'" Upon further review, our reporter realized he'd dialed the wrong number, and rather than call the right one, told our editor, "If it's good enough for the New York Times, it's good enough for me."

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