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Michelin Man Plunges To Death
Feb 8 2005 by Eddie Bling
Tragically, while testing the "Bumbles bounce" theory, the Michelin man leaped to his death from a 5th story parking garage at the Nipsey Russell Fashion Mall in east Detroit this morning.
The beloved mascot for the Michelin Tire Company had apparently watched a "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" video where he got the idea for leaping and then bouncing like the Bumble creature from the movie.
"I thought it was an earthquake! I turned around and saw this crater with a bunch of white tires piled up in it. It was terrifying." an eyewitness exclaimed.
The Michelin Man had recently trimmed down to a svelte 458 lbs. with gastric bypass surgery to combat his OREO cookie addiction, said Michelin's, clearly emotional twin brother, Larry Man. "Michy has been under a lot of pressure lately and a recent flu left him flat and saggy. [sobbing] Few people knew he was bilingual or that he could even talk. [sobbing pause] Rudolph is pure evil!"
The accident scene is still under investigation as the car driven by the deceased, a '72 Pontiac Catalina, had Goodyear tires on them. The spare, however, was confirmed to be a Michelin tire. Investigators will not tread over this evidence lightly, and are not ruling out foul play.
Neither Nipsey Russell nor a representative from Michelin could be reached for comment.
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