| |
Peanuts Rocks: Charlie Brown Charged With Murder, Lucy Accused of Malpractice
In a stunning turn of events, Peanuts' star Charlie Brown has been arrested for the brutal murder of his parents. But while authorities hold the comic strip icon in a maximum-security juvenile facility, the psychiatric care he received from Lucy Van Pelt is also coming under fire.
Police were called to the Brown residence after receiving calls from neighbors, who reported hearing muffled cries of "Wonk wonk wooooonnnk." They saw Brown fleeing the house into his own backyard.
"The suspect was hiding in a doghouse at the rear of his property, mumbling incoherently about kicking a ball," a police spokesman said. Police say they owe the capture of Charlie Brown to an anonymous beagle that led them to the fugitive's hiding place.
Attorneys for the legendary comic strip loser are pointing an accusing finger at his psychiatrist, famed child therapist Lucy Van Pelt. In a malpractice suit, they claim Van Pelt recklessly prescribed the potent anti-depressant Zoloft and failed to monitor her patient for side effects. The drug has been linked to suicidal and violent behavior.
"Her booth was closed for days at a time," charged attorneys who claim their client was unable to receive assistance when he complained of extreme agitation and murderous thoughts.
Friends close to both Brown and Van Pelt claim that the young psychiatrist was playing a dangerous game to keep her practice in business. "Lucy used to laugh about how Charlie Brown would keep coming back so long as she kept pulling that football away from him," explained Linus Van Pelt, Lucy's brother and friend to Charlie Brown. "I told her she had to stop, and she injected me with Thorazine and locked me in the closet."
In a shocking twist, DeadBrain investigators have learned that Van Pelt is currently under investigation by the psychiatric review board over complaints following a botched deprogramming of lesbians Peppermint Patty and Marcy.
"Their parents came to Lucy offering 10 cents a session - double her usual rate," said Linus. "I told her it was wrong but she put me in a straightjacket and locked me in the closet."
|
|
