 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Condoleezza Rice |
|
 |
|
| You are sitting on: Home > News | November 20th |
| |
|
Whoosh! Penis Pump Sweeps Judge From BenchFeb 18 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"You ever sat through tedious, mind-numbing , two-bit trials, day after day, year after year?" Judge Donald Thompson asked. "Let's face it, Creek County isn't the most exciting place to be in Oklahoma, or anywhere else. "It's not as though I was hurting anyone," Thompson said. "Sure, nobody could figure out what the whooshing sound was on the court reporter's tape. But I was paying attention, even to the meaningless parade of defendants and witnesses who came before me." But lawyers said the pump distracted Thompson, and prosecutors filed criminal charges against him. Some lawyers contend that various defendants will seek new trials as a result of Thompson's under-the-robe actions. "Go ahead, let them try to get new trials. They can appeal all they want," Thompson said. "I'm 58 years old and I've been a judge and lawyer for years and years. And I'm a healthy 58, I might add. The pump kept me alert." Thompson said a hunting buddy gave him the pump as a joke, but then he figured he might as well bring it to work. "I can't think of one instance where the pump prevented me from issuing the proper rulings," Thompson said. "It also kept me awake as lawyers droned on and on and on about some subject that nobody, including me, cared anything about." Ange Bunner, an Oklahoma lawyer who didn't want her real name used, said Thompson was once a highly regarded jurist. "Everybody thought he was the greatest," Bunner said. "But now it's just eewwwww. I could never figure out what that sound was, but now that I know, I wish I didn't." Thompson vehemently denied that he smeared his reputation. "I'm not stupid. I'm not like that Oklahoma state legislator who wants to put tiny boxing gloves on chickens. I do have some dignity. I didn't break any laws by masturbating. It wasn't exactly in the privacy of my own home or office. But, hey, big deal. Around here, pretty much anything goes."
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |