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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Condoleezza Rice |
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| You are sitting on: Home > News | November 20th |
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A Denial of Child Abuse and Surprise Support at the Jackson TrialMar 7 2005 by Jim Bauman
The man in question was vigorously tapping the shoulder of a national TV network newswoman, when I did the same to him. He seemed way too excited to talk to me. That should've been a tip off. "Sir, how close was the contact that Jackson had with your son?" I asked. "Physical touching. He massaged his head." "Where and when did this occur?" "Here...yesterday." "How long did it last?" "For about five seconds. Michael walked over, said hi to my son, and slightly roughed up his hair." "Oh." "Mr. Jackson's a good man. I know it. See, he touched my son, and didn't molest him in any way. He can't be guilty!" "OOOO-GAH" blasted a tractor-trailer truck's horn. A monstrous float came into view. Adorned in American flags, and red, white, and blue bunting, the float was peppered with giant portraits of Douglas MacArthur, George Patton, Admiral Nimitz, General Westmoreland, and Gen. Schwarzkopf. Draped from the side was a huge banner: "Swift Boat Veterans for Michael Jackson." As Lieutenant Commander Letson jumped from the float, his foot got tangled in some fine wire holding the bunting. While he hung upside down, I asked him why the Swifties were helping Jackson. "We know he must support the troops, because we've seen him wear a black, military-looking outfit with epaulets. Sporting his white glove, he resembles a gunner's mate. Anyone who'd dress like that has to be extremely patriotic, and that's all that matters to us. We categorically don't crave publicity for ourselves," said Letson.
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