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Global Warming Linked To Dead, Missing Children
Scientists at the Mulberry Institute of Practical Sciences believe they have uncovered a new and even more destructive contributor to the world global warming crisis.
According to their findings, the surge of dead and missing children across the US over the past decade is greatly to blame for the climate changes now affecting the entire globe.
Dean of Science Harold Beauwanker explained, "The US has a national epidemic on its hands. The number of kidnapped, missing and murdered children has risen to unthinkable proportions.
"How does that equate to global warming? Candlelight vigils. Over the past decade our weather satellites have been picking up a strangely increasing overland phenomenon which has turned out to be candlelight vigils.
"The vigils are held across the US, nationwide, from 6pm to midnight for killed, kidnapped and missing children. There have been so many that, rather than allowing the earth to go through its natural cooling process in the evenings, the hundreds of millions of candles being burned every night are actually heating up the inner US.
"These vigils are in fact not allowing the US to cool off, and this is affecting the global climate at an alarming rate. We must stop the vigils, and to do that we must stop allowing our children to be stolen from us."
Prof. Beauwanker has made a valid find. The US Department of Missing and Dead Children informed DeadBrain that 47 children become dead or missing every minute of everyday. That's up from five children per minute in 1994. The U.S.D.M.D.C. is expected to make yet another public outcry for evildoers to stop abducting our kids.
In the mean time, while our children continue to disappear and become dead, it would be wise to spread the word to all candlelight vigilers that, while using battery operated electric candles may not save our children, they may very well save our planet.
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