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"Pope-A-Looza 2005" Tour to Hit the Worldwide Road
The Vatican announced today that Pope John Paul II's body will soon begin a worldwide stadium tour called "Pope-A-Looza 2005."
"We want it to be bigger than every Rolling Stones, Elton John, Bruce Springsteen and Pink Floyd tour combined," said Cardinal Guido Bertucci, a Vatican spokesman. "Quite honestly, we need the money. But it's also a chance for billions around the world to say goodbye to the pontiff in person."
The U.S. leg of the tour, with tickets starting at $200, will kick off April 15 at Yankee Stadium, then include Camden Yards in Baltimore, the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, Michigan's and Ohio State's football stadiums, and Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles.
"The Pope wasn't a big baseball fan, but he always managed to hit baseball stadiums when he visited the United States, so we figured this would be appropriate and tasteful," Bertucci said. "But we also wanted to reach college and pro football fans."
The Pope's body will also tour European soccer stadiums, as well as venues in the Far East, Australia and possibly even the Middle East, although Vatican officials are wary of places such as Iraq and Iran.
Bertucci said Vatican officials expected massive crowds to view the Pope's body and for his funeral, but the throngs who made it to Rome were "shocking."
"It gave us the genesis for the "Pope-A-Looza idea," Bertucci said. "What clinched it was all the crying women at the Vatican. Let's face it, the Pope's policies weren't exactly friendly to women or feminists. But we figured if he still had that kind of impact, why not tour? And after all the priest abuse scandals, it'll be a good chance for the Catholic Church to reap some positive publicity."
Bertucci said the tour will sell Pope-A-Looza t-shirts, crosses and other mementos, will be available on pay-per-view TV, and a DVD later.
"But it will be done in good taste," Bertucci said. "It won't be like Johnnie Cochran's funeral in LA when O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson showed up. We can't have something like that freak show."
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