News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Saddam Hussein
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humor
  You have fallen into: Home > NewsNovember 21st 
 

New York Times to Examine the "Important Stuff"

Vote now!

Do YOU like the Times' new tack?
Yes
No
Only as long as their website is free
Following its hard-hitting look at President Bush's iPod playlist, the New York Times plans to examine other critical issues.

"We felt it was important to reveal that President Bush listens to 'My Sharona' and George Jones while riding his mountain bike in Texas," said executive editor Bill Keller. "Those details provide a window to his soul, assuming anyone would want to glimpse into his soul."

Keller said focus groups "told us that people aren't interested in bad or sad news - the bloodshed in Iraq, non-existent weapons of mass destruction, politicians who lie, Social Security, things like that.

"They want upbeat, happy and sometimes even gossipy news," Keller said. "So we plan to give it to them. We figured having our new White House reporter work on the iPod story was a strong start.

"The president liked the story, the public liked it, it was win-win all the way. Since it didn't make any administration officials unhappy, we're going to use it as a springboard for more stories along those lines."

Among them:

President Bush's sock drawer: "Is the drawer neat? Do all his individual socks have matching socks? Is his drawer organized by color? Are the socks somehow labeled, or does Bush have to decide on his own? Our upcoming story will answer all those questions."

Jenna Bush's liquor cabinet: The presidential wild-child has been controversial with some of her hard-partying ways, but Keller said they would check her liquor cabinet to see if that was the root of the problem. "Is it because of Jack Daniel's or Wild Turkey? Or is Jenna just trying to distance herself from the White House cocoon? We've retained a team of psychological experts to analyze the questions and provide readers with the best answers."

Dick Cheney: Critics contend there's no way Cheney, who many say actually runs the country, could be human. His cold, sometimes-ruthless demeanor, his four heart attacks, and on and on, indicate he could be a cyborg or something. The Times, in its eternal quest for the truth, will find out."


Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!




Bookmark | Comment | Print | Send to a friend

 
Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin