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| You have been flattened by: Home > News | September 7th |
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Meet the "Beetles" - The New Fab Three of Bush, Cheney and RumsfeldApr 22 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"Let me be totally open and honest for once, I'm not thrilled and humbled that often," Cheney said. "In fact, not at all. But this is a special honor, and I know the president and the secretary share my enthusiasm." Two ex-Cornell University entomologists discovered the species, and, as scientists are allowed to do, named them - choosing Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. "They said they chose the names because of admiration for our principles, not because we looked like beetles or ate like beetles or, heaven forbid, acted like beetles," Cheney said. "But we're still checking out that part of their story." The beetles, which feed on fungi-like mold, are now called A.bushi, A. cheneyi and A.rumsfeldi. "The names sound kind of awkward, but I guess that's all in a day's work in the world of science," Cheney said. "I kind of like it!" Cheney vehemently denied that the beetles were named because the scientists were secret Democrats who just wanted to bring ridicule and scorn to the top levels of the Bush Administration. "Absolutely not," Cheney said. "We gave them the neo-con litmus test - asking them about abortion, religion, Social Security, weapons of mass destruction, the Iraq war, the whole nine yards. They passed with flying colors." Cheney said the beetle names would last long after the Bush Administration has left office, and would serve as a legacy to what he called "our absolute greatness." "Anybody can have a building or a road named after them," Chaney said. "But it's special knowing that your namesakes will always be there, rooting around in the dirt, eating mold and, in general, acting better than any Congress member would - especially a Democrat." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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