 |
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · George W Bush |
|
 |
|
| You are standing next to: Home > News | November 21st |
| |
|
An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVIApr 26 2005 by Greg Kuhl
No doubt, it's been a little crazy inside the Vatican, getting used to being in charge, learning where the best restrooms are, things like that. Not to mention sifting through 56,000 emails sent to you in the first two days, although maybe you have staff for that. Still, it'd be nice to know the answers to some questions, as you begin your reign as the Catholic Church's 265th Pope: * What's the deal with the Hitler Youth? Granted, you grew up in Germany at a time when joining the Hitler Youth was mandatory. But it'd be nice to hear that it was strictly involuntary and you repudiate totally the whole Hitler era. Any chance? * Where did you come up with Benedict XVI? Sure, there were 15 previous Benedicts, but the last was several hundred years ago. Not the most electrifying of names. When Americans hear "Benedict," they think of Benedict Arnold - not a good role model - or eggs benedict. Couldn't your advisers have tugged you on the sleeve and said, "Hey, Ratzinger" - did your childhood buddies call you "Rat"? - "maybe another name might be good." Is it too late to change? * Are you really as ultra-conservative as they say, or as you showed when you were a key adviser to Pope John Paul II? Should women and gays and AIDS patients and those Catholics who believe in birth control be truly afraid of what you stand for? Do you cringe just a little when your election as Pope is compared to the haunting specter of former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft becoming president? * How's your health? What do you do to stay fit? Even with modern medicine, 78 is getting up there. Actuarial tables suggest that the end might not be far away. Do you run, hike, take Pilates classes (no connection to Pontius Pilate, so rest easy)? These are a lot of questions for one time, and you probably need to return to your busy schedule. Just one more: How do they make that smoke turn white? Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |