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Iraqi Checkpoint Training Prepares NYC Traffic Agents for New Duties

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New York City police officials said that they will send a contingent of traffic enforcement agents to Iraq to train under the U.S. troops involved in the shooting death of Italian military intelligence officer Nicola Calipari.

The announcement was made by department spokesman Morgan Fanberg just hours after U.S. military investigators exonerated the troops involved in the incident of any blame. Calipari was killed near a checkpoint in Iraq when the unit opened fire on a car carrying him and freed Italian journalist Giuliana Sgrena. The U.S. military said the car they were traveling in was speeding and ignored repeated hand signals to stop.

According to Fanberg, the city has experienced a similar rash of incidents where drivers have ignored the directions of traffic enforcement agents, especially in midtown Manhattan, resulting in massive gridlock problems. "You get these hicks from the suburbs driving their big SUVs and they feel invulnerable," Fanberg said. "But letting them know that our agents will soon be packing heat and not afraid to use it will go a long way to alleviating the problem."

Civil rights organizations objected to the plan, saying that they were concerned that innocent, if dim-witted, drivers might get hurt or killed. Giovanni Colanna, a city councilman from Brooklyn, expressed his fears that the city was overreacting. He said a system of higher fines and public education programs should be used to control traffic problems. "The solution is tickets and the classroom, not bullets and the emergency room," Colanna said.

Fanberg derided the naysayers as "pinko pussies" and defended the plan as necessary to keep New York City drivers safe in a post-9/11 world. "Sure, you can threaten traffic scofflaws with fines," he said, "but if drivers know that our agents might pop a few rounds in their ass, it'll make them think twice before they try to make a right on red in this town again."


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