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| You are staring at: Home > News | November 21st |
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Rapture Will Create Inheritance Nightmares, End Traffic JamsJun 13 2005 by JL Strickland
The faithful believe when the Rapture occurs, they'll suddenly vanish and be swept up to Paradise in an instant. Most evangelicals and fundamentalists are employed and are property owners, including cars, homes and bank accounts. Property rights experts are concerned that the sudden disappearance of so many people will leave the rights of possession in turmoil. B. Y. Codicil, forensic attorney, has launched a movement to have potential Rapturees complete a Rapture Transfer Sheet declaring who shall take ownership of their earthly goods after they swoosh up to glory. "It needs to be done now," Mr. Codicil insists. "If the Rapturites leave without making their wishes known regarding property disposal, it'll cause a pantywad of monumental proportions. "Only the good, decent people who love the Lord will be vacuumed up," Mr. Codicil continued. "That will leave the world occupied with only disreputable people who exhibit strong heathen tendencies; the kind of folks who quibble and argue about everything." Lawyer Codicil is urging all those who're not planning to make the trip upwards to insist that their born-again friends and relatives complete a Rapture Transfer Sheet. It could mean a neat car or a big-screen TV for them, free and clear, no strings attached. "Not to mention a possible house," Codicil giggled. "We've all seen what house prices are doing lately. There'll be empty houses everywhere!" Even though many religious leaders predict the world will be a horrible place once the righteous have ascended, Lawyer Codicil feels the prospect isn't all gloomy. "The sudden disappearance of all these people should eliminate traffic jams, not to mention the hassle of finding a parking place," Codicil said. "And after this demographic group is out of the picture, it should be the welcome end of Lawrence Welk reruns." Suddenly turning serious, Codicil said, "The only scary thing is if George Bush gets Raptured, Dick Cheney will be the president." (Rapture Transfer Sheets are available at Codicil's website of. A small fee is involved.) Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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