 |
|
|
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Christina Aguilera |
|
 |
|
| You smell better than: Home > News | November 21st |
| |
|
 Saddam Loves Doritos, But Frito-Lay Doesn't Love HimJun 23 2005 by Greg Kuhl
"The last thing we need is for our brand to be associated with a brutal killer," said Frito-Lay spokesman Ted Pendergast. "It was bad enough in the 60s and 70s when we had the Frito Bandito, the happy-go-lucky Mexican bandit with a big yellow hat. "But at least everybody recognized he was a cartoon character, even if he was rather politically incorrect," Pendergast said. "I'm not sure the Doritos brand could survive being associated with Hussein." The company was aghast when a GQ magazine interview with soldiers who guarded Hussein said that the dictator liked Cheetos, another Frito-Lay brand, but could eat a large bag of Doritos in little time. "If it was just an occasional craving for Cheetos, that's okay," Pendergast said. "But the whole Hussein-Doritos thing could cost us hundreds of millions in sales. "We'd probably never sell another bag in a red state, unless none of those people can think or read," Pendergast said. "That's all we need is for kids to take their Doritos with them to lunch at school, with thoughts of Saddam Hussein dancing in their heads." Upper management at Frito-Lay is split on whether to discontinue Doritos or just sell the brand to another company. But Pendergast said some sales and marketing executives wanted to construct an advertising campaign around Hussein's love for Doritos. "Of course, we could just slash our throats on national television too," Pendergast said. "That might have been the dumbest idea of all time. It's been shot down, I think." Pendergast said the GQ article "definitely put us in a quandary. Why couldn't Hussein just have left us out of it? Maybe McDonald's or KFC or General Mills needs the publicity. We sure don't." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles Hussein is California Dreamin' Jun 18 2005
Bill Maher Better Watch Out for Bachus, Sources Say
Jun 7 2005
Cheney Lashes Out at Almost Everybody
Jun 3 2005
Rumsfeld Gives Order to Shoot Down Amish Aircraft
May 31 2005
Saddam Profits From Wearing Nothing but His Calvins
May 30 2005
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Survey | Vermin |