DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humor

You are staring at: Home > News	February 10th

Home

Archive

News

	Home

Politics

Entertainment

Sport

Features

Propaganda

Today on DeadBrain:
Biden "Out-Bumpkins" Palin Iceland Announces Switch to Hydrogen-Fuel Starting with All 7 Cars on Island Barack Obama Legally Changes Name to "Barry Manilow" Re-animated Corpses of Merriams, Webster to Convene For Debate Ann Coulter Dying: Pelosium-110 Suspected Company Offers New Hair Replacement Option

Members

God Denies That He Has No Heart

Jul 14 2005 by Greg Kuhl

Vote now!

An angry God today vehemently denied that he's indifferent toward the seriously ill - despite a medical study that indicated prayer won't help the sick.

"Why does everybody want to pawn that off on me?" God asked. "Those clowns running that study also had Jews, Muslims and Buddhists praying for the patients too. Why only blame me?"

God said He was upset about the Duke University Medical Center study that said praying for heart surgery patients before their procedures didn't increase their chances of being cured or not dying.

"What do they expect, miracles?" God asked. "There are only so many hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in a month and so on. Some of those patients were virtually on their death beds. There's no way to save everybody.

"I'll even resist the urge to dust off the old joke about how doctors think they're Me," God added. "Let me assure you, they're not - as much as they'd like to think they are."

God said the study took place at a time when "quite honestly, I was swamped with all sorts of prayer business. Baseball players wanted me to help them have a great season so they could make mega-millions. I don't do that, not even for the least among them.

"The French wanted me to find a way to allow someone other than Lance Armstrong to win the Tour de France. No can do, they're on their own. Bernie Ebbers, that telecom crook, was crying and asking for a light prison sentence. Sorry, Bernie, I'm busy.

"Then there's the whole Iraq-U.S. government thing - President Bush praying for guidance, Halliburton asking for more war contracts, Karl Rove begging that he wouldn't go to jail.

"Too bad, I had to turn them all down. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I'm sort of in semi-retirement now. If it's really, really important, I might think about it.

"If not, everybody just has to fend for themselves - including those heart patients. Let Buddha and Allah answer some of those calls for a change."

Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!


Copyright ©2003-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently.	Disclaimer \| Privacy Policy \| Survey \| Vermin