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New Greeting Cards Keep It Real
Recently, a new line of greeting cards aimed specifically at those engaged in adultery was introduced. These cards address a variety of sentiments experienced by people engaged in extra-marital affairs (having to "share" their lover with another, celebrating holidays apart).
Marketing consultant Ima Selen-Lotz acknowledges that some consumers may be uncomfortable with the topics of these new cards, but she dismisses any suggestion that they actually encourage bad behavior. "Sending greeting cards is a lovely custom, one that we should embrace. Greeting cards are popular because they give voice, in a few simple lines, to the complex feelings that people often don't know how to communicate on their own."
For instance, another new series of cards helps people express the complex feelings experienced during drive-by shootings. Sample greetings include: "My Bad! I was aiming at someone else" and "Revenge without you isn't the same, we know exactly who to blame, so get out of the hospital real quick, and we'll all go put a cap in that d*%k."
Selen-Lotz also predicts brisk sales for the new "15 Minutes" line, which offers cards for people whose lives have been touched by reality TV. Selections range from the supportive ("Don't worry that they made you look like a jerk! Getting recognized at Denny's is such a cool perk!") to the slightly more contemplative ("When you look back on the choices you made in your life, you will ask yourself 'Was it worth it?' It is a question that will haunt you for the rest of your life. I hope you die. Never contact me again.")
Other specialty lines include greetings for those who have been convicted of white collar crime ("You did the crime, you'll do the time, in 18-24 months we'll drink gin & tonic with lime") as well as cards for those who have lost their retirement savings due to corporate fraud ("The bastards may have robbed you of your pension plan, but they can never rob you of your beautiful smile!").
So send a card! It isn't hard! Tell 'em how you feel! Just keeping it real!
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