| |
Heterosexuals Demand Equal Attention
As homosexuality becomes an integral part of American culture, Jim Slade, a Camden, New Jersey blogger, has come up with an unconventional approach to draw attention to what he calls an unintended subliminal intrusion. "The dilemma," he says, "is the consequence of people so proudly declaring their sexual preference."
The crux of his argument is that average heterosexuals do not generally define themselves by their sexual preference. Slade hopes to change that. "Think of it this way," says Slade, "straight people don't walk around going, 'Hi'ya, Bob Flemming, I like tits,' do they?"
To that end, Slade has begun introducing himself as 'Jim Slade, pussy eater.' E-mail messages, business cards, even dinner reservations. "I'm no gay basher, but if I have to think about some guy sucking cock the minute I learn he's gay, then I want people knowing I like pussy."
"It's indecent," says Linda Withers, of an after-school program called Stop Hurting in There. "It's bad enough I have think about Rosie O'Donnell's glistening vagina every time I turn on the television. But as a mother I'm especially disturbed. Last week my seven-year-old introduced me to her class as Linda Withers, ball sniffer."
It's anyone's guess how far into the mainstream this will go, but evidence of his campaign is everywhere. The New York Court of Appeals recently agreed to hear an employment case stemming from the wrongful termination of a woman who hyphenated her name with the phrase "enjoys semen."
Slade says he won't stop until newscasters are introducing themselves this way. He recently opened a website called PresidentBushLicker.com. "I've already sent out over ten thousand free bumper stickers, with orders coming in from as far as Hawaii and Alaska."
Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
|
|
