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| You are standing next to: Home > News | November 21st |
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 "SpongeBob" SquarePants Announces Endorsement of Fruits, Veggies, SLIRB Weapons SystemJul 19 2005 by Shawn Monks
The controversial announcement was made at a press conference outside Foggy Bottom "The reality is that fruits and veggies are really good for you! They have loads of nutrients that can keep you going, all day. They can taste good too!" Mr. SquarePants said. When pressed about the endorsement of Lockheed's SLIRB program, Mr. SquarePants remained unwavering: " Due to certain areas of instability, particularly in the Middle East and in the Pacific Theater, it is imperative that Foggy Bottom have a mobile missile force with First Strike capability. Lockheed is providing that capability." While Mr. SquarePants indicated he was unsure whether Foggy Bottom would be a testing ground for Fruits, Veggies or the SLIRB, a spokeswoman has indicated the endorsements were done with social responsibility in mind. Detractors of SquarePants have accused the flighty sponge of encouraging the recommencement of nuclear testing in the Foggy Bottom Atoll, which has produced, amongst other oddities, talking aquatic life. SquarePants' most outspoken critic has been hamburger restaurateur and anti-nuclear activist Mr. Krabs. Krabs has indicated his organization, led by a "Squidward," will demonstrate in an effort to keep Fruits, Veggies and Lockheed's new SLIRB program out of Foggy Bottom: "Arghhh. Dem dere veggies kill me business. Krabby Patties is what dem should be eatin'." When asked about the Lockheed Martin contract, Krabs became incensed: "Yarghhhh! Nuclear proliferation in a post-Cold War era will only serve to create an arms race for second-rate nuclear powers globally. In this era of transnational terrorism, the farthest thing from good policy is proliferation...Yarghhh." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles At Gitmo, Jennifer Lopez to Head Lap-Dancer Squad Jul 17 2005
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