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Karl Rove Charged in Convenience Store Theft
Karl Rove, President Bush's deputy chief of staff and chief political strategist, was charged with stealing and eating two boxes of chocolate chip cookies from a downtown Washington D.C. convenience store.
According to Washington, D.C. police spokesperson Fred Butler, Rove was caught with damning evidence by two police officers on routine patrol.
"It's pretty much an open and shut case," Butler stated. He said that the owner of the store was about to close up around 2:00am when two police officers seeking a free cup of coffee entered the establishment. When the policemen walked to the rear of the store, they discovered Rove crouching behind an adult magazine display rack with two empty boxes of cookies at his feet.
"When he tried to speak to the officers, his mouth was full of something," Butler said. "Plus there were cookie crumbs and melted chocolate on his chin and hands. And the store's video surveillance tape showed him ripping open the boxes and eating the contents."
When asked if the President, who has said he would fire anyone in his administration who was guilty of a crime, would ask for Rove's resignation, White House Spokesmodel Scott McClellan said, "The charges are ridiculous. I spoke with Karl Rove and he has assured me he's never been in that store and that he doesn't even like chocolate chip cookies."
Democratic congressional leaders called on the President to fire the rotund Rove. "If the man can't be trusted to pay a lousy five dollars for his snacks, how can we trust him with classified security information?" asked Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).
In an interview defending Rove, Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman called the charges against him "unfair." He said that the physical evidence, including the videotape, and the policemen's testimony, actually exonerated the president's advisor.
"Karl Rove knew those trans-fat laden cookies were a danger to the health of every child in that community," Mehlman said. "Karl Rove should get a medal for keeping those cookies out of the hands of our overweight youth."
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