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| You have come across: Home > News | February 10th |
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 America: British Need More Hysteria, Less Calm During Terror AttacksAug 2 2005 by Spinner Street
The response comes in light of criticism over the apparent inability of U.S. authorities to successfully prosecute their own recently renamed War on Terror by apprehending actual terrorists. Terror ringleader Osama bin Laden recently vacationed at Disneyworld, where he recruited celebrities like Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and Pinocchio to distribute al-Qaeda literature. CIA director Porter Goss defended his agency's inability to capture bin Laden and other known terrorists in America's theme parks. According to Goss, the sheer volume of visitors to the Magic Kingdom make it virtually impossible to be aware of the presence of terrorists, a fact further complicated by the camouflaging nature of Mickey Mouse ears. Such claims have not stopped critics from wondering why London Metropolitan Police and British Intelligence have managed to stage such an astonishingly successful campaign in a very short time. Goss dismisses this as "merely a stylistic difference," adding: "It's all relative to your definition of success." This a view shared by Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff. "If all you're interested in is rounding up bad guys, then sure, the British have been successful - but what about ambience?" The Secretary of Homeland Security noted that American authorities have used hand wringing and hyperbole to cultivate a carefully constructed atmosphere of fear, something absent in Britain. And unlike the Americans, who became hysterical following the first wave of London attacks, thinking that a U.S. attack was imminent, Londoners resisted the urge to act like a group of sissies, instead forging bravely on in the face of a real and continued threat. This, Chertoff contends, is a mistake. "You can't fight terrorism calmly and with reason and courage. You need to show the terrorists that you're as unhinged as they are, even if that means imprisoning the innocent and staging a few ill conceived invasions." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles Rumsfeld Renames "War On Terror", Calls for "Kinder, Gentler Struggle" Aug 1 2005
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