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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humor · Jennifer Lopez |
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| You have trodden in: Home > News | November 21st |
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Extreme Makeover at the U.N. - Demolition StyleAug 4 2005 by Jim Bauman
I stood next to UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan. A crowd of spectators and the news media hovered nearby. Secretary Annan began to speak. "Friends of the world! Today, we take a big step! We will respond affirmatively to U.S. ambassador John Bolton's call for reform at the United Nations. This morning, that wrecking ball across the plaza, over there...No, not there...over there...no, no, you're all looking in the wrong place." Annan jabbed his finger in the air, pointing to his right. "Over there, THERE!!!! OK, now you all see it, eh? All right, that wrecking crane will lop off the top ten floors of the UN Headquarters. I was hoping that Ambassador Bolton would've accepted my invitation to witness this, but he appears to have been delayed. Nonetheless, we must proceed." Annan signaled the crane operator. The crowd gasped. "Now, don't worry! Everyone has been evacuated from the affected floors," Annan said. Slowly, the wrecking ball swung in a wide arc and crashed into the uppermost floor. After a few seconds, the ball slid out and swept high over the plaza. Suddenly, we all cried out in horror, because we spotted a man tied to a swivel office chair grasping the wrecking ball chain with a free hand. Secretary Annan was chatting to another reporter when I interrupted him, and told him to look up. "Damn!...Oh, I mean how terrible," said Annan after spying the dangling fellow. Rescue squad personnel and the entire crowd ran to spot where the chair-bound man was lowered to. The victim had duct tape over his mouth. Several people yelled to Annan that the man looked like John Bolton. "No, no, it's just a coincidence," said an agitated Annan. "And don't take the tape off of his mouth. His jaw could be broken. The tape will keep his bones in place. Now, don't worry, everyone, I'll send a crack international medical team to the hospital to attend to this man's injuries - an Iranian doctor and two North Korean nurses." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
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