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| You don't remotely resemble: Home > News | January 9th |
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 Pentagon to Honor Terror Victims With a Parade and Pool PartyAug 28 2005 by Nick Glauben
The first annual "Freedom Parade and Pool Party Hootenanny" will start at the Pentagon and end by the reflecting pool on the National Mall where a free concert featuring country music star Clint Black will take place. "We wanted to come up with an appropriate way to commemorate the senseless deaths of nearly 3,000 innocent people at the hands of religious fanatics," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said. "Then it hit us - nothing says respectful mourning and remembrance like a massive pool party!" When a group of surviving relatives of those murdered on September 11, 2001, were asked to comment on the Defense Department's planned festivities, all just stood in stunned silence with their mouths open for ten minutes. Rumsfeld defended the plan as the culmination of a lot of hard work. "It's not easy coming up with a fresh way to exploit the senseless deaths of innocent people for political gain. I mean we've already manipulated public sympathy to trample Constitutional liberties, start an unnecessary war, and re-elect an incompetent leader. But we feel we can still whip a few more miles out of this dead horse before the midterm elections in 2006." In a related development, the White House has also announced plans for an all-you-can-eat barbecue in October to honor the millions of people who have died of starvation in Africa, and what they're billing as "the world's largest fireworks show ever" to commemorate the dropping of atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki next August. Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up at our parent site. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles Bush Meets With Cindy Sheehan, Offers Coke and Sympathy Aug 18 2005
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