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Never Fear, Hurricane Victims - It's Celebrities to the Rescue!
A celebrity fund-raiser for those affected by Hurricane Katrina will air on MTV, with performers as diverse as Usher and John Mellencamp providing entertainment. Singers Rob Thomas and Linkin Park's Chester Bennington made the announcement, and show producer Seymour Loeb said, "Survivors of this disaster should know that they are not alone, and that we stand beside them in their struggle."
The news of celebrity involvement couldn't come soon enough for Biloxi, Mississippi resident Eugene Flowers. "I lost everything in the flood," said the disheveled auto mechanic as he pocketed a looted can of Dinty Moore stew. "One thing we all need is to know that Hollywood celebrities are supporting us."
Another Biloxi resident, Jennifer Simmons, burst into tears at the name Rob Thomas. "My boyfriend's name is Rob Thomas. I think he drowned." When told that Thomas' group matchbox20 would be performing, Simmons brightened. "That makes me feel okay again, knowing that."
MTV spokesman Carl Webster said in a release that they "hope to raise 10 million dollars to aid those most adversely affected by the recent hurricane."
New Orleans resident Gina Deschannel said, "I hope the Black Eyed Peas perform. I love them. Seeing them would definitely help me battle the cholera that's already killed two members of my family." As of press time, the Black Eyed Peas were unconfirmed.
Reached poolside at her home, singer Alicia Keys said she's "Happy to do all I can" to help the survivors of Katrina. She had to cut the telephone interview short because it was time for her daily massage.
Gulfport, Mississippi resident Ted Graves said Keys' involvement will ease the loss of his home which "just floated away. Alicia's beautiful face and sultry voice will fill the space in my stomach that used to hold dinner. I really look forward to it," said the now unemployed blackjack dealer.
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin added, "It'd be nice if the celebrity help was Arnold Schwarzenegger or Bruce Willis rappelling from a helicopter to rescue some trapped folks, but if Ludacris is what we can get, Ludacris is what we'll take."
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