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| You just walked into: Home > News | November 21st |
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The Health Report: Cheerful Men at Lower Risk of Heart DiseaseMar 10 2006 by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo
Neil Osterweil, MedPage Today staff writer, reported recently that cheery, optimistic men are less likely to die of heart disease than sour, pessimistic men. When questioned about this theory, Mr. Osterweil cited the most visible people in the news today."President George W. Bush. Have you ever seen anyone so relentlessly optimistic, so confident and cheerful, no matter what bleak numbers or facts are thrown his way? He simply refuses to be 'down'! He smiles, jokes and laughs, he continues to believe that Iraq is a democratic nation, and that Osama is practically in handcuffs. Such an upbeat guy in spite of constant opposition. And not a hint of heart disease. "Now, take Dick Cheney," Osterweil continued. "That guy is a bummer. He is a pessimistic drag, always citing what's wrong, never emphasizing what is right! He never smiles, never makes a joke, never has a laugh. He sure has a lot of heart attacks, though. He's never without a medical team and his own private ambulance. The man can't even have fun quail hunting. "The association between a positive outlook and lower risk for cardiovascular morbidity and mortality is nowhere more evident than in our Administration. "Take DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff. After Hurricane Katrina, did you see him getting pessimistic about the situation? Heck, no! He was so optimistic he was actually insisting that there WAS no situation! Now, that man has a long and healthy life ahead of him, free of heart disease. Why, he may actually be free of a heart, for all we know. "Another optimistic person during that time was Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Just look at his! Out buying himself shoes during the most tragic national disasters this country has ever experienced." When it was pointed out to Mr. Osterweil that Secretary Rice was a woman, and the study concerned the cardiovascular health of men, Osterweil shrugged, smiling broadly. "Oh gosh, you're sure right. Golly, sometimes I forget he's a she. But see? That doesn't upset me, no sirree. Anyone could make that mistake." Long live the optimistic male. Something strange is going on inside the White House - does the Weapons of Mass Euphoria Team have the cure, or are they the culprits? Check out the reports from deep inside the WME.
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