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| You are sitting on: Home > News | October 11th |
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 Poll Shocker: 72% of Troops in Iraq Want Just One More Year of Being Shot AtMar 17 2006 by Potfry
According to the poll, 72% of troops currently stationed in Iraq would like to leave in the next year. In other words, U.S. troops apparently want to return to their families from a foreign land where they dine on sand-encrusted rations and are targeted for agonizing, slow death by suicidal Islamic fundamentalists. "I'm speechless," said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. "Are they sure about the results? Our troops want only one more year of death lurking around every corner? Just 12 months of picking up pieces of blown-up Iraqis? How can this be?" The poll, funded by an anonymous anti-war activist through Le Moyne College's Center for Peace and Global Studies, is being heralded by liberals as a ground-breaking poll. "Clearly, given the choice between life and death, most soldiers will choose life," said actor Alec Baldwin triumphantly. "This fundamentally shakes the foundation of the military-industrial complex. The poll is unspeakably beautiful." The poll results run counter to polls conducted during other wars in U.S. history. For instance, during World War I, 84% of US soldiers "found the maze-like trenches of France a fun place to frolic," and 78% "enjoyed starting the day with an invigorating round of hand-to-hand combat." Similarly, during World War II, 87% of US troops "felt jipped that they weren't on the Bataan Death March," and 94% were "curious about what a German POW camp would be like." Clearly, the US military has some issues to address going forward. In related news, 94% of firemen said that they did not enjoy having their flesh burned, and 84% of moms said that childbirth was "a bit uncomfortable." Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website! Related Articles Attempting to Calm Islamic Anger, New York Times Reprints Dung-Covered Madonna Picture Feb 17 2006
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