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Rubber Scarcity to Limit Rubber Band Bracelet Production
The news hit industry officials with the force of a mainland Chinese Communist invasion.
"There's not enough rubber!" anguished CEO of RubandD Inc. Ching Chow lamented. "Our profits are going to dry up, and believe me, profits from selling a three-cent piece of rubber and silicone for as much as five bucks a piece is a nice profit."
Industry insiders say the enormous demand for the product has grown since the introduction of the NIKE/Lance Armstrong "LIVESTRONG" yellow bracelet. Now, says Chow, "Every sports team, activist group, fundraiser, or pet-project has their own 'unique' way to express your support. For heaven's sake, last week we got an order from the environmentalist whacko group POOPPU {People Opposing Oil and Petroleum Product Use}. Hey poo-poo! These ARE petroleum products!"
One person, however, was pleased to see the demise of the snappy accessories. Singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow released the following statement through her publicist, Peter Gosignia: "It's about goddamn time. Every time I see a yellow wristband I want to vomit like someone who just took a heavy dose of chemotherapy."
Crow continued, "I hate those things. I'm now a supporter of the LIVEweak campaign. I'm anti-bicycle racing and pro-cancer from now on!"
Consumer watchdog group The WatchDog Group says not to worry, this pop-culture fad will soon fade too. Consumers will continue to adapt the way they show "support" for their favorite cause without really contributing substantially in a financially meaningful way. Said spokesperson Richard Hurtz, "Keep in mind that we still have nifty little ribbons folded back on themselves one time, car magnets, car flags, t-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, etc."
Relax folks. You can always pull out your old "Baby on Board" signs, too.
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