| |
Phone Fakers Are Everywhere
An Illinois driver who rear-ended another vehicle and is being fined for reckless driving in connection with use of a cell phone is contesting the fine because he was only pretending to talk into the phone in order to look important.
"I've never even used a cell phone," insisted Andrew Fullen. "Not a working one, anyway." Fullen said he found a discarded old phone in the Dumpster behind his apartment building and has merely been pretending to use it ever since.
A witness to the accident claims to have seen Fullen talking animatedly into the phone seconds before the collision. "He seemed excited about something. I assumed he was arguing with a girlfriend or possibly berating an employee."
In truth, Fullen is a parking lot attendant and has never spoken to a girl, either with a phone or in person. "I don't have much occasion to talk on the phone, but since I found that old cell phone, people - or at least fellow drivers who glance at me in traffic - have seemed to respect me more than they used to."
Fullen's case is not unique. Psychologist James Bennett has been studying this cultural phenomenon for years. "These people desperately want to fit in, and it's easier now than ever before," said Bennett. "Before cell phones, they couldn't pretend to have friends or associates who weren't really there. Now, they can just chat away and we might never suspect they are talking only to themselves."
According to Bennett, the majority of "phone fakers" do it only while driving, which is the safest way to fake a conversation. "Sometimes you don't even need real words. You can just lip sync, and how is someone whizzing by in traffic going to catch the deception?"
In more developed cases, the afflicted will walk around in public, gesticulating with their free hand as they talk. "These people are easier to spot," said Bennett. "Particularly if they're wearing their underwear on the outside."
Get DeadBrain delivered to your Inbox! Click here to sign up. Consider the weekly and monthly editions, each of which contain all-new, laugh-out-loud office comedy you won't see on the website!
|
|
