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| You have come across: Home > News | February 10th |
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The Health Report: Donald Rumsfeld Defends President Bush's Vacation TimeAug 31 2006 by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo
Dr. Haiou Yang of USC was summoned to the White House to join a press conference with Dr. Eudaimonia and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld had high praise for the study. "Finally, some correct facts are coming out of California," Rumsfeld stated. "In spite of the topic originating in Japan, where we all know the Japs work themselves to death." "Donald!" Dr. Eudaimonia said. "Eudie, it's true!" Rumsfeld interrupted. "The high-pressure work culture of the Japs has created a medical condition called Karoshi. It means "sudden death by overwork. Just ask Haiou!" Dr. Haiou Yang nodded silently. "You see?" Rumsfeld chuckled. "You might recall, Dr. Eudaimonia, that I spent many years in medicine. My point is that Karoshi is a real disease, and we have known about it for years. President Bush has gotten extremely negative press for his 9-to-5 work hours and numerous vacations. We are here to clear up the misconception that he is lazy and doesn't spend enough time doing his job. "I am here to defend not only the President, but the whole Cabinet, myself included. We are taking good care of ourselves so that we can take good care of our country and our fellow man. We have known about Karoshi for many years, and we are not about to drop dead on the American people." Dr. Yang started to speak, but Rumsfeld continued: "The study shows Americans are working longer hours than the Japs at this point, and therefore may start showing signs of high blood pressure. I disagree. Americans are more robust and hardy than the Japs, and the average American can log 55 hours a week, no problem. We have no worries about the typical American worker. They're fine. However, here at the White House we take the precautionary measure of keeping the government limited to the 35 hour work week. "It's just good governing," Rumsfeld concluded, "right, Haiou?" Dr. Yang was unavailable for questions. Something strange is going on inside the White House - does the Weapons of Mass Euphoria Team have the cure, or are they the culprits? Check out the reports from deep inside the WME.
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