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  You feel threatened by: Home > NewsApril 23rd 

Iceland Announces Switch to Hydrogen-Fuel Starting with All 7 Cars on Island

Iceland, the quiet island country in the middle of the North Atlantic that was probably responsible for sinking the Titanic, shocked the world by announcing a goal of converting the entire country to hydrogen power in the next 30 years.

In real terms, that means that all seven registered automobiles, the fry vats at Olafur's Fish Cake Palace, and Gudrun Hallabor's portable space heater (which the boys use for their semi-annual ice fishing trip), will all need to be retro-fitted with new hydrogen burning technology quickly.

This could be tricky, but in trial runs everything from hot water showers to laptops have been made to work on hydrogen power.

"It's an aggressive goal, but I never question the Icelandic spirit," said Sigrun Byrnja, who denies rumors that his alcoholic grandfather was piloting the iceberg island when it stalked and rammed the Titanic liner in 1912.

"This island is more than just a fly-over for Americans and Europeans, more than a place for their airplanes to unload their toilets. Oh, I see those smirking American faces, laughing when a hurtling chunk of frozen crap crushes Fridrika Galan's winter pansies. They are high in the air, but I can feel them laughing. Well, now we have hydrogen power. Let's see if they laugh."

The formidable task of coordinating the conversion to hydrogen power falls to Varick Faldra. In addition to being the Energy Chief of Iceland, Faldra also claims to have dated Bjork, the Icelandic singer who, despite looking like the mutant offspring of a large Chinese mouse and Gollum from Lord of the Rings, is irresistibly sexy.

"We have a plan to get the conversion done on time," said Faldra, as he traced a dog-eared picture of Bjork. "I did not spend 10 years doing volcano tours and dodging falling shit cubes to fail at my big opportunity."

"And once it is done," he added quietly, "Bjork will come back to me."

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